No parent wants to hear their child needs to have surgery—but it happens more than you might think (on average, 450,000 pediatric in-patient surgeries are performed in the U.S. each year). Pediatric surgery can be intimidating and overwhelming—and, while you’re busy making plans, trying to understand your child’s condition, and arranging financials, you might forget that your little one probably doesn’t totally understand what’s going on and is scared herself. The key to reducing fear for both of you? Properly preparing your child for surgery. Today, then, we’re offering up our top five tips for an empowered pediatric surgery experience. Read on for some simple ways you can reduce your little one’s stress, anxiety, and fears leading up to her procedure. 

1. Encourage an open dialogue and questions.

Every parent knows just how perceptive kids can be—so, rather than completely shielding your child from the reality of what’s going on, encourage an open (and age-appropriate) dialogue. Oftentimes, children can sense when they’re not being told the entire truth—which only causes them to imagine the worst. Preparing your child for surgery, then, starts with letting them know why they’re having surgery and what they can expect—as well as encouraging them to open up to you about their questions or worries. Just be aware of using age-appropriate language as you talk through their upcoming procedure. Concerns are different amongst different age groups—while a three-year-old will fear separation from her parents during the procedure and interacting with strangers, a nine-year-old’s fears will likely revolve more around the anticipation of pain. We love this helpful breakdown on age-appropriate surgical information from the Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth-Hitchcock—use it as a guide for your conversation. 

2. Address and validate their fear.

When it comes to preparing your child for surgery, the protector in you may want to reassure your child by saying something like, “There’s no reason to be scared!”—but, to your little one, this can feel like you’re sweeping her concerns under the rug and not being entirely honest. Instead, we recommend validating your child’s fears first, and then transitioning to reassuring language (i.e. “It’s ok to be scared; I’m a little scared, too—but you don’t need to worry. Your doctor went to school for this, has done this before for so many kids just like you, and is going to do a great job.”) Allow your child to experience her emotions and fears—rather than attempting to shield her from feeling anything at all. Be sure you always validate her feelings first before you switch to calming language. 

3. Take steps to help them feel in control.

Children are often so much more advanced (and aware) than we give them credit for. Allowing them to feel like they have some control over things will help calm their nerves. The amount of control—and how, exactly, you present it—will vary depending on age. Young children can often benefit from practicing what they’ll experience on a toy doll or teddy bear. Let them take the bear’s pulse, check its vitals, etc. without getting into the scarier parts of surgery (i.e. “cutting” the bear “open”). If your child is old enough, you can work with her before her pre-op appointment to come up with a list of questions she wants to ask her doctor. Across all age groups, reading age-appropriate books about surgery to your child (or, depending on age, allowing her to read them herself) is another great way to help her feel empowered and in control.

4. Choose your words wisely—and avoid terms that can increase fear. 

While you want to be open and honest when preparing your child for surgery, you also need to be careful about the terms you use. Rather than saying the doctor will “cut you open” or “sew you back up”, say something along the lines of: “Your doctor is going to fix the problem—just like she’s done for so many kids like you!” When it comes to talking about anesthesia, avoid saying the doctor is going to “put you to sleep” as this can spark fears of not waking up. Instead, say something like: “The doctor will have you take a short nap.”

5.  Let them know it’s not their fault. 

When it comes to preparing your child for surgery, guilt is a feeling parents often overlook. Children’s worlds tend to revolve around actions and consequences (being “good” leads to good things; being “bad” leads to bad things). As a result, she may think her upcoming procedure is punishment for bad behavior or a result of something she’s done wrong. Make sure you clearly explain to your child that her procedure is not a result of anything she’s done wrong. (If the surgery, however, is a result of an accident that resulted from careless or dangerous behavior, you can calmly explain that procedures like this can be avoided in the future by following safety rules—without doubling down on punishment or guilt.) 

Overall, preparing your child for surgery comes down to encouraging dialogue, providing age-appropriate information, and validating emotions. While it’s natural to want to protect your child from feeling any discomfort or fear, know that will only exacerbate the issue by allowing her imagination to run wild. The more open and honest you can be—while still being cognisant of using appropriate language—the better for both you and your little one. 

Want even more pre-surgery tips? Browse the rest of our blog for empowering pre-op information, helpful nutrition advice, and pro medical tips for ensuring your child’s surgery and recovery is the best it can be.